4 Steps to Become the Most Attractive Version of You

Ok here’s the truth - being the most attractive version of you has little to do with your appearance, how stylish your clothes are or how flirtatious your text messages are.

It doesn’t even have much to do with your external confidence or how socially adept and charismatic you are.

What it has to do with is these 4 things:

ONE: Consistently processing your feelings rather than overindulging or disconnecting

What do I mean by overindulging? Crying uncontrollably while you repeat the same story in your head about why you’re not good enough. Yes, you’re “feeling,” but that type of behavior really doesn’t do much for your energy or magnetism.

Processing your feelings looks like sitting with them and being in the discomfort of them. Visiting your inner child, seeing her in her pain, and nurturing her. When you do this, you allow the energy to move through you rather than staying stuck.

Alternatively, you might simply disconnect or intellectualize your emotions.

Let me give you a scenario: when you feel anxiety when let’s say, a man hasn’t texted you, what do you do? Do you sit in the discomfort and visit your inner child or do you move to your head - “Oh my gosh, did I say the wrong thing?” Constantly refreshing your phone while googling “What to do when he pulls away.”

Moving to your head actually just perpetuates your negative feelings and creates emotional residue in your body.

Yet, when you truly feel and process those emotions, you actually become so much more energized and alive from the flow of life and the richness of your emotional spectrum.

You become so much more connected to yourself, others, and the world around you.

You also cultivate the ability to navigate triggers with more ease and less reactivity, which ultimately allows you to build emotional resilience, emotional maturity, and a sense of wholeness within self.

This is the power of somatic & inner child work (aka the work I do with my clients).

And that is hott.

TWO: Being able to activate your empowered, wise, courageous self, and making choices from her lens

Our energy, our experiences, our lives are really just a series of choices. Every choice you make either detracts from your energy or adds to your energy.

This all sounds good in theory, but if you’re honest with yourself, do you make choices from your highest self or unconsciously, from your wounds, short term desires for dopamine and needy inner child?

Let’s go back to the original example - when a man doesn’t text you, do you let yourself sit in the fear, anxiety, and the stories of how he changed his mind and you said the wrong thing which made you less attractive in his eyes, which all distracts you from your work, makes you miss your workout, and order Chinese food? All the while overanalyzing if you should text him, and if so, what to say that will pull him back in?

Or do you process your feelings and use a practice that allows you to reactivate your empowered, wise, courageous self so that you can take a deep breath, go finish that work project, kick ass at your pilates class, and make yourself a nourishing dinner with maybe a glass of Pinot (because you deserve it!), all the while, reminding yourself what a damn good catch you are?

Which woman do you think is most attractive? But even more important, which woman is happier, more peaceful, and more successful in her life?

When you have a practice to reactivate this empowered woman so you can make choices from her lens, not only will you feel better, but frankly, he’s going to be more attracted to you. PS. This is exactly what I do with clients in Relationship Alchemy

THREE: Being INTERdependent rather than fully dependent or overly independent

The most attractive people I know understand how to both hold themselves and hold others. They are both self reliant and able to receive support. They’re happy being single and they’re happy in partnership. They can both give and receive love to others and to themselves.

Now, that all is easier said than done.

Most of us tend to move towards an extreme - being overly reliant on others or overly independent. You might fluctuate back and forth between the two as you attempt to self correct or as your inner child unconsciously takes over.

Both hold us back from intimate connection.

When you’re overly reliant, you put a lot of pressure on a man to be there for you, take care of you. He begins to feel responsible for your emotional state. That type of neediness can feel like being trapped. Plus, the old adage is true - some distance can make the heart grow fonder. Making him the center of your world is the fastest way to kill the attraction.

Meanwhile, overindependence can make him feel like he isn’t needed. It can lessen your bond, connection, and his attraction to you. Men want to feel like they can make a positive difference in your life, but often, they want to choose how they’re doing so. Allowing him to give and receiving, accepting, and appreciating it with open arms will make him feel closer to you.

I invite you not to overthink any of this, but rather just be mindful of the space you’re currently in, since many of us fluctuate in both extremes.

And remember, whatever space you’re in - it comes back to your inner child. She feels safer being dependent or independent. This is why seeing her, nurturing her, and doing the healing work on her is so incredibly important to naturally be in a more interdependent space.

FOUR: Being unappolgetically authentic

I think most of us recognize the power of someone who is truly comfortable in their own skin. There is a sense of freedom, ease, and natural magnetism. When you are truly happy with who you are and you radiate that true self in every environment, it’s amazing how much more people (men and women) will be attracted to you.

Plus, as I often say, you can only attract who is right for you by being fully authentic.

And this does not just include sharing alternative interests and spirituality (although it certainly does!)

It also means sharing your emotions and sensitivities. You want a man to know that you are a sensitive being. Again, this doesn’t mean not being able to hold yourself and process your emotions on your own, but if you hide these aspects of yourself, they will surely slip out later.

There is nothing more attractive than being honest about who you are. Yet, being honest is not saying on a first date, “Just so you know, I’m very emotional and I’m looking for someone who will accept that side of me and is willing to equally process their emotions.” That’s defensive. It comes across as though you are vetting him, and while you are, that language won’t be well received by men.

Rather, allow these aspects of yourself to emerge naturally. When emotional experiences arise, it’s okay to share them in a way that doesn’t blame or shame him, but is simply honest.

Being authentic in this way is so much easier said than done. Yet again, it comes back to working with your inner child so she feels safe to show up as her truest self.

The truth is, it takes a lot of energy to hide your authenticity. So when you really master this unappologetic authenticity, your energy becomes lighter, freer, and yes, more magnetic.

If you’re a woman who is ready to do the work because she knows that investing in herself and healing from within is the key to getting the relationships of her dreams and so so so much more…apply to Relationship Alchemy HERE.