Are dating apps dying? +5 ways to find love IRL.
Did you know that the first Sunday of January is historically the highest traffic day of the year on Hinge? In fact, dating apps see their peak activity from the beginning of January to Valentines Day. And it makes sense - after the chaos of the holidays, singles worldwide are ready to actually put in “the work” to find love in the new year.
But get this - I asked my audience a few weeks ago if they were planning to swipe this year, and 64% of them said they were NOT using dating apps this year. Now of course, that statistic is unreliable for many reasons - there is bias around who actually chose to respond to the survey (people most passionate about NOT using the apps) as well as accuracy around follow through.
I mean how many times have YOU said, “I’m deleting Hinge, for good,” only to re-download a few weeks later when your in-person prospects have been dismal.
That being said, I do think there is *some* truth to the fall of dating app culture.
In 2024, Tinder reported that annual downloads were down by more than 1/3 from its 2014 peak. Paying users decreased 8% from 2023.
Now we all know that Tinder has a “reputation,” so it’s possible that other dating apps whose brand promotes long term partnerships may be stealing its user base. In fact, research shows that app downloads have stayed fairly steady over the years when looking at all dating apps.
But, my sense is that conscious, sensitive individuals looking for deep connection may be ditching the dating apps this year in favor for more IRL experiences.
Many of us are feeling technologically burnt out between social media, Zoom, AI, and of course, dating apps (also part of the reason why I LOVE Substack - it feels so much deeper and more personal than an Instagram Reel).
Last year, I hosted a Masterclass on getting better matches with less burnout, and I still think the apps can be an incredible way to build confidence, practice boundaries, and gain a better sense of what you’re truly looking for. If you want to match with better guys without swiping endlessly, check out the Sensitive Swiping Masterclass
BUT, I personally am super passionate about teaching y’all how to meet more men in the wild.
I met my boyfriend walking down the street one day, and before him, I met probably about 70% of the men I dated in real life.
And let me tell you, attracting men in person actually has way less to do with your physical appearance than you’d think.
What it really has to do with is these five things:
NUMBER ONE: How clear you are about your desires
Now for some of you this might seem a little woo woo, but I believe in the power of gaining clarity on what your soul/highest self ACTUALLY want in a partner (not what your wounded inner child wants) to call in an amazing man. This is pretty much manifestation 101, and it works.
Part of the reason it works is actually fairly scientific - we are taking in millions of bits of data everyday, and our mind filters what we see to what is consciously in our field of awareness.
This is why if you want to buy a certain car, lets say a silver Subaru, suddenly, you are going to see silver Subarus everywhere. That’s just your mind tuning into what you’ve decided is important.
So get clear on your priorities in man. However, that does not mean creating a long list of standards. Your brain can only hold 5-8 words at the same time, so if you have a long list, it won’t really be able to conceptualize or remember the vision you have for your partner.
ACTION: Create a priority list for your partner by using my three step framework:
Bare minimum requirements (these are values like religion, political views, family planning)
3-5 characteristics that are most important to you (ambitious, emotionally intelligent, intellectual, etc)
The feelings you want to experience with this person
This is exactly the process I lead my clients through so they stop wasting time going on dates with men they don’t even really like or missing red flags entirely.
NUMBER TWO: If you are leveraging the Familiarity Principle of Attraction
There have been many studies that have shown that we are more attracted to people who are familiar to us. This is because familiarity feels safe. Now, this is partially why many women end up “marrying their father” (not always a good thing).
But its also a psychological phenomenon that you can take advantage of to meet more men.
According to this principle, the more a man is exposed to you, the more attractive you become. And, the more comfortable he will be to approach you because there is an element of safety there.
So what you want to do is start frequenting the same places. This could be a coffee shop, neighborhood walk, grocery store, apartment complex, dog park, or a community like a run club.
Remember, men are equally nervous to approach you. They don’t know if you are single or not. They don’t know if you are interested or not. The goal is to make it as easy for them as possible. One of the best ways to do this is simply to become a familiar face.
For me, I literally met 5x the men in person when I began following this principle.
ACTION: What is one space that you can start frequenting regularly?
NUMBER THREE: If you are choosing the right environments
Now, I’m going to slightly contradict what I just said. Not all environments are good to meet men in. Some of the least effective are places where men are TASK FOCUSED. For example, coffee shops, gyms, grocery stores, co-working spaces.
This is because when men are focused on a specific activity, they often are very tunnel visioned to “accomplish their mission.” They are not thinking about approaching women, they are focusing on writing their business plan, lifting a heavier barbell, or picking out the right avocado.
As an aside, this is also why men rarely text during a busy work day or when sports are on. They are hyperfocused on a goal or task, and they cannot multi-task the same way women can.
So, in order to meet men, you want to focus on being in environments where men are not goal/task focused. These are environments that are open, social, and relaxed. Generally, these are spaces that will put a man in his body rather than his head.
Of course, this is why people go to bars. But, I actually think some of the best spots to meet men are concerts, activity based clubs, dog parks, walking around a neighborhood, communal restaurants, and sporting events (as long as they don’t care too much about the team).
ACTION: Choose one social oriented environment to prioritize going to more regularly that you also genuinely enjoy. You never want to go somewhere JUST to meet a man. The best way to meet an aligned parter is by spending time in aligned environments.
NUMBER FOUR: How quickly (or slowly) you are navigating the world
Ok I believe this is many women’s number one BLOCK in meeting men in the wild.
You are RUSHING through life! Your head is down; you’re speed walking down the street with your airpods in, texting your bestie while you head to the office. Sound familiar?
Not only will you completely miss the great guys walking just a few feet in front of you, but you look incredibly unapproachable. You are not giving men an opening to make conversation with you - you look busy and uninterested.
I know we all lead busy lives and want to make the most out of our time, but I challenge you to start using your time in public more wisely.
ACTION: Practice slowing down and being present as you navigate the world.
Consciously walk at a slower pace without any devices. Take out your airpods. If you’re standing in line, stop scrolling Instagram. If you’re waiting at the doctor’s office, don’t pull out a book (Yes, I’ve met men at the doctors simply because I was present rather than texting).
When you walk around, practice keeping your head up, straightening your spine, and pushing your shoulders back. That literally opens up your heart space and projects confidence, openess, and approachability.
NUMBER FIVE: How much you embody your feminine energy
Here’s the real secret to meeting more men in person - it’s all about embodying your feminine energy. Slowing down and being present will absolutely help with your energy, but there’s a deeper layer here.
When you are experiencing the world around you through your body (the essence of feminine energy), you are going to be a magnet for masculine men who are used to spending all of their time in their heads. This is polarity 101!
To give you a tangible example, I noticed that I would get approached most often when I was soaking in the sunset on warm summer evenings. In these moments, I was so taken by the world around me, and I was feeling immense joy, gratitude and wonder. Men were subconsciously picking up on my open, feminine energy, and they were drawn to that.
ACTION: Try one of these two tips for being in your feminine energy:
Five senses: When you’re in public, practice actually taking in and noticing the environment around you through your five senses. What are you smelling, hearing, seeing, tasting, and touching? Of course, you may not want to do this in a smelly bus station! But in more enjoyable or neutral settings, practice being more present with the world around you and actually soaking in the moment viscerally. This takes you out of your mind and anxieties and puts you in your body.
Postive emotions: Magnify the positive emotions you’re experiencing in your environment. This is not about pretending to be happy all of the time, but rather, noticing all of the beauty around you and really allowing those sensations and emotions to grow and expand in your body.
Your emotional state has a direct effect on your energy, and scientists can literally see that you emanate a different type of particle when you are joyful versus when you are anxious. If you can tap into this emotional state regularly in an authentic way, I can guarantee more men are going to approach you. This is an incredibly attractive energy when it’s genuine.
Now, if you’ve been hurt/betrayed in the past, are naturally more guarded, fear rejection or judgment, your energy may be more closed off.
If this is the case, it’s not your fault. But you likely need to do some deeper inner child/subconscious reprogramming work so that you actually feel safe to open up your heart and energy. This is exactly what I do with 1-1 clients in my program: Relationship Alchemy. You can apply at the bottom of the page if you feel called to explore working together.
Xx Liz
PS. I would love to hear - are you planning on using dating apps this year? Why or why not? If not, what other ways are you meeting men?
