3 Myths that are Hurting Your Dating Life
Do you feel like dating advice is a maze of contradictions? There is a LOT of dating advice circulating the internet, and it can be extremely confusing to parse out fact from fiction.
As a dating coach who literally studies this stuff, I’ve learned that every piece of dating advice works for SOMEONE (but not everyone).
For example, advice to move the conversation off the apps quickly and meet up face to face works well for people who don’t get a lot of matches.
But if you DO get a lot of matches, you probably want to take more time having conversation and assessing each connection before committing to a date (as I’ll talk about below).
The key is to have self awareness about what “level” of dating you’re at (ie. newly divorced vs seasoned dater), your current dating goals, and your dating strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies so you can cherry pick the guidance that will actually serve you.
With that, the advice I give works well for women who are:
Emotionally intelligent
Sensitive
Intuitive, even if it feels foggy sometimes
Fairly seasoned daters
Are able to attract men & can get a date (but might struggle with choosing unhealthy men or keeping the healthy ones)
May struggle to stand in their power in dating
Open to spirituality, energy work, and manifestation
Desire commitment from a healthy, masculine, emotionally available man
If this is you, read on!
MYTH ONE: Dating is a numbers game, spend 10 minutes a day swiping & move off the apps quickly
I get where this advice comes from - sometimes it feels like finding your person is looking for a needle in a haystack. So, the idea is to spend a lot of time digging through as many hay piles as possible.
Yet this is exactly what leads to burnout and exhaustion in dating.
AND, I think this advice actually dampens one of the most important skill in dating - discernment.
Part of the reason you might find yourself in situationships, with unavailable partners, or even in toxic dynamics is because you aren’t REALLY paying attention.
There are always subtle energetics to pick up on, and there are often some very un-subtle actions that go missed or ignored.
The key to dating is to really start paying attention.
You want to learn to read energy and be an astute observer.
There is power in selectivity, which is different than pickiness.
You are likely naturally intuitive, but its been clouded by other people’s advice, past traumas, and a history of unfortunate dating experiences.
If you want to go on tons of dates, go for it. But if you’re sensitve, dating is probably exhausting.
You don’t need to answer messages on Hinge between meetings in the bathroom stall, or cramming in another happy hour date after work.
You need to gain crystal clear clarity on your true desires, learn to trust your YES and your NO, and aim for quality - not quantity.
MYTH TWO: Inconsistent texting is a red flag
When you are a mission to stop dating unavailable men, it can be very easy to jump from “making excuses for guys you like” to “jumping to conclusions too quickly”
The truth is that the quantity of texting actually indicates very little about his level of interest in you.
Some men love texting. Others don’t. There are generational differences. Men with busy careers typically have less time to text.
Men that are charming, smooth, consistent texters are often just good at DATING. It doesn’t say anything about his true intention or interest in you.
So what does?
His overall investment in you.
I always encourage women to look at the bigger picture of how a man is showing up and investing in the relationship:
Is he planning thoughtful dates?
Considering your dietary preferences?
Following up about your presentation at work?
Asking meaningful questions?
Communication is one form of investment, but it’s not the entire picture.
And, if you really do desire more communication from a place of deepening intimacy with him versus a place of needing validation or security, know that it’s ok to share that!
Men who like you will not be turned off if you say, “I know you are super busy at work, but I got a little nervous not hearing from you all week! I’ll admit that I do get a little anxious in dating.”
See how he responds. The wrong men will be turned off by a share like that, and that’s GOOD. Healthy, available men love honesty from a woman. They are looking for good communicators.
MYTH THREE: Just focus on yourself; you’ll find your person when the timing is right!
I totally get the intent of this one - undoubtably, focusing on building out a life that you love is absolutely crucial. Otherwise, you’ll be dating from a place of need versus abundance.
But, this narrative is disempowering, and in many cases - it’s not true.
Most of you are struggling in your love lives for a reason. There is nothing wrong with you, but there’s a missing piece in:
Clarity in your desires: discerning who your wounded inner child is attracted to versus the type of partner that your soul truly craves
Boundaries in current relationships: recognizing where you are “clogging your love field” with dead end relationships, situationships, exes, and even clingy male friends (and setting boundaries accordingly so you actually have space for a new man)
Your energy & beliefs: working on projecting an energy of high self worth versus neediness, self doubt, and anxiety
Intimacy skills: learning the unique communication and behaviors that get a man to feel deeply emotionally connected to you
Now when you you’ve done all you can do to prepare yourself to meet a soulmate, go ahead and shift your focus. But that means:
You’ve worked through any blocks around neediness and intimacy, you feel 100% worthy of a partner, you have FULL belief he’s going to come through, you’ve practiced communication & other relationship skills needed to create an emotional connection with a man.
Be honest - if you still have gaps, you’re just distracting yourself.
The goal is becoming someone who's ready when the right partner appears. This means doing the inner work and developing the relationship skills that will make you a match for the love you desire.
With that, if you know that you have gaps, and you’re ready to go from situationships to soulmates this year, I invite you to apply to my 1-1 program: Relationship Alchemy. I’d be honored to support you on your journey of finding love.
