7 steps I took to manifest my dream relationship
It was December 31, 2022, and I was going up the chairlift in Park City with two guy friends. We were talking about their favorite subject…my dating life. Or lack thereof. I had been completely single for 6 months. When I had initially moved to Denver in January of 2022, I had an influx of dating prospects - and then all of a sudden, around July, it became absolute crickets.
“You’re WAY too picky,” one of the guys said. “If you don’t meet someone by March, you have to let us redo your dating profile.”
I considered…March was three months away. Surely I would meet someone by March, even if it wasn’t my forever person.
“Deal,” I said.
Well, 2023 hit me like a ton of bricks. Right off the bat, I was getting majorly tested. My boundaries were being pushed. All of the men on the apps were being flaky. My money wounds were coming up. Plus, a bunch of my past trauma was re-emerging.
It almost felt like I was going backwards - it didn’t look promising for meeting someone by March.
Yet, as I’ve seen time and time again - healing isn’t linear. Nor do you have to be perfectly healed to find a great relationship. Because low and behold, on March 5th 2023, I met my current boyfriend while I was walking my dog.
And thank god - because I can only imagine the chaos that would have ensued if the guys had gotten a hold of my dating profile!
And as I look back on everything that transpired in the 6-12 months prior to meeting him, some clear patterns emerged. These are patterns I’ve also witnessed with other friends & clients who have found healthy relationships later in life.
So with that, here are the seven steps I took to manifest my relationship…plus a tangible action for each so you can manifest your dream relationship too.
ONE: I got super clear on my limiting beliefs holding me back from finding a relationship: Your beliefs affect everything. Your thoughts, emotions, energy, and behaviors. If you believe that you aren’t worthy of a great relationship, that you’re not good enough or that you’re too spirital, deep, or sensitive - that’s going to impact the way you show up in dating situations. It’s going to impact who you attract. And energetically, men can sense these types of insecurities. To be your most attractive self, you need to create a foundation of unconditional self worth and belief from within.
Now, going from “I’m not good enough” to “anyone would be lucky to have me” isn’t an overnight process. It takes rewiring your subconscious (where the beliefs live in the first place!) and taking corresponding action like cutting off non-reciprocal relationships, approaching a cute guy at the gym, or keeping commitments to yourself like finally starting that side hustle.
Action: Ask yourself: Why can’t I have my dream relationship? Make a list of all of the reasons! This helps to identify limiting beliefs that are holding you back.
TWO: I stopped hiding aspects of self and led with authenticity: The most attractive people in the world have this in common - they are unappolgetically authentic. For me, this has been a life long journey, yet one that has dramatically changed my love life. Because we attract the right person when we are leading with our truest selves. For me, this meant leading with my spirituality, alternative healing interests, and emotions/sensitivity.
On my first date with my boyfriend, I shared that I was spiritual, was licensed in Hypnotherapy, visited a psychic, and was a highly sensitive person. I cried in front of him within the first two months of dating. He said these were actually the things (even the tears, actually, especially the tears!) that made him fall for me.
Action: What parts of self do you hide or not share right away? What did previous partners not find out about you until later? How can you start leading with those sides? PS. This OFTEN takes subconscious work, as we often have shame or fear of sharing these parts of self.
THREE: I got clear on the type of partner I desired: Previously, I dated men who I was attracted to but frankly, were not good for me. I call these types your kryptonite. For me, these were adventurous, opinionated, often Gemini men (lol). Before meeting my boyfriend, I got super clear on the top 3-5 traits I was looking for and most importantly, how I wanted to FEEL around him. These traits were based off of my personal values and authentic desires versus pure attraction and unmet needs (which is essentially a trauma bond).
Action: Based on your core values, what are your top 3-5 priorities in a partner? How does this partner make you feel? Start filtering dates through this list & feelings rather than getting caught up in chemistry.
FOUR: I made space for him to come through by setting boundaries with other men: One of the key principles of manifestation is that we have to actually have space to call in our desires. For me, this meant cutting off a guy I liked but was emotionally unavailable. It also meant setting boundaries with a male friend who was requesting a lot of my time and energy without much reciprocation. And, it meant not wasting my time with flaky men — exiting those dynamics as soon as I saw that his efforts were inconsistent.
Action: Where are you clogging up your own relationship field with non-reciprocal relationships, situationships, lingering ex boyfriends, or needy friends? How can you set boundaries in these spaces?
FIVE: I played with the opposite energy: In many cases, when you’re struggling in love, you’re operating in some type of extreme that isn’t serving you. For me, one of my extremes was always responding to messages from men, even if they were being flaky/low effort. One of the changes that I made right before I met my boyfriend was literally doing the opposite. I actually started ghosting men that were flaky or low effort. I know ghosting is usually frowned upon, but in this case, it was actually a high self worth move. I was honoring my time, my intuition, and my energy rather than wasting time with non-reciprocal relationships.
Action: Where are you operating in an extreme? Some other examples include never initating with men vs chasing men, giving way too many chances vs cutting off connections prematurely, never speaking your needs vs sharing every single trigger. How can you practice the opposite?
SIX: I invested in my own joy, pleasure, and wellbeing: I often tell women, if you want to be treated like a queen - treat yourself like a queen first. Invest in YOUR joy and pleasure above all.
For so many years, I was cheap with myself in spite of having the finances to treat myself - buying low quality clothes, spending as little as possible on a haircut, walking home in the rain instead of calling an Uber (I KNOW!).
The month before I called in my boyfriend, I went on a luxury ski vacation with a close friend and invested in a few pieces of high quality pieces of clothing from Alo. It doesn’t seem like a coincidence that my boyfriend is the most generous person I’ve ever dated - he truly does treat me like a queen. So if you want this type of relationship, treat YOURSELF this way first.
Action: What small day to day shifts and larger investments (they don’t have to be financial!) can you make to invest in your own wellbeing, joy and pleasure?
SEVEN: I followed my intuition ruthlessly: The day I met my boyfriend, I was actually supposed to be on another date. Yet, I had a gut feeling that I needed to bail (which I never did).
I ended up taking a walk with my dog instead, and at one point, I made a left turn. I stopped in my tracks when I got another hit - I needed to go right instead. Without questioning it, I turned around and walked the other way — only to literally run into my now boyfriend a few minutes later.
I strongly believe that intuition is a key aspect of finding love - yet many people are disconnected from themselves and distracted, so they don’t notice the subtle cues that can only be felt in your body.
Action: What does intuition feel like for you? When you are out in the world, practice tuning into it. Hint - try not listening to podcasts, multitasking, texting friends when you are out and about. Stay present in your surroundings and body instead.
Well that’s it! Let me know if this was helpful for y’all. And as I often share, I believe that ANYONE can find love. In fact, I believe there are so many soulmates out there for everyone. But, if things aren’t working for you in your love life, you likely have some limiting beliefs, insecurities, and wounds that are holding you back from calling in high quality, healthy matches.
If you’re ready to make 2025 the year you finally attract the deep, healthy partnership you’ve always wanted, I’m currently accepting applications for Relationship Alchemy, my 1-1 intensive for women ready to transform their love lives. If you’re interested, send me a message here or on IG, and I’ll share more about how the process works.
