My 10 biggest lessons in love in 2024

I’m going to get right into it - sharing 10 lessons I learned in love in 2024, both from my own personal experiences and the work I did with my clients.

ONE: Be cautious with labels like attachment styles - they can lead to blind spots and oversimplifying relationships.

Oof - this was a BIG one for me this year. Most of you know that my work was originally focused on helping women heal their Anxious Attachment styles. But after working with way more clients this year and getting back together with my “Avoidant” man, I found that while labels can be helpful as an entry point to understanding yourself & others, humans are way too complex for one dimensional labels.

In fact, the lablels can create blind spots where we become so fixated around what/who we think we are (or who someone else is), that our brain starts to make rigid assumptions, rather than embrace the fluid, and context-dependent nature of our behaviors and personalities. And assumptions are what disconnects us - from ourselves and others.

The most helpful thing is to stay present, get curious, and observe how you and another are behaving moment to moment - perhaps its anxious today and avoidant tomorrow. We are ever flowing and ever changing humans, as are the men we date.

TWO: If you want to attract a healthy relationship, cultivate both your natural feminine essence AND your masculine leadership & assertiveness.

One of the biggest trends in dating right now is focusing on feminine energetics. I could write an entire post on this, but in short, it was when I became fluid (there’s that word again!) in both my masculine & feminine energy that I found an amazing, reciprocal, heathy, deep relationship. Being both soft and strong is the goal. When I was overly focused on feminine energy, I actually attracted more mysgonistic or emotionally closed off men. It was the ability to flex between the two as needed that led me to a healthy relationship, with a man who equally can be sensitive & empathetic and strong & grounded.

THREE: Anyone will be “Anxiously Attached” with the wrong partner. Anyone can be “Secure” with the right partner.

This was a huge aha. I worked with a handful of clients this year who were trying to overcome their Anxious Attachment with partners that were emotionally unavailable, didn’t communicate regularly, and didn’t put in the effort to meet their needs. Of course, relationships are extremely complicated, but truthfully, many women believe they are Anxiously Attached when they are simply choosing partners who put them in a dysregulated, anxious state.

The question really is - why are you putting up with this behavior? What part of you is attracted to someone who isn’t available? This is the work, rather than healing your anxiety. But from someone who used to identify as Anxiously Attached, let me tell you, when you are with someone who communicates, is receptive to your feelings & needs, expresses their love for you - you’d be amazed at how quickly any lingering “Anxious Attachment” dissipates.

FOUR: There are no rules in love - trust the tugs of your heart strings, against all odds.

Most of you know my story of getting back with my ex this year, in spite of him breaking up with me and in spite of having very minimal contact for 12+ months. When you are really connected to your heart and yourself and are coming from a place of love vs fear, you might be surprised where your intuiton leads you. And this might not just be about an ex - if you’re single, are there men in your sphere that your heart is pulling you too when you get really quiet? Listen to the whispers. Follow them even when they don’t make sense. Focus on building resilience regardless of the outcome.

FIVE: Courage is an essential part of finding love, for both men and women

Similar to the above, I had secretly always hoped that prince charming would show up on my doorstep, and I wouldn’t have to be vulnerable or expose myself to any potential rejection. And, actually, when my man and I initially met, it was somewhat like that (I’ll share that story soon!) But long term, sustained love does require courage on both sides. You can’t avoid vulnerability. You can’t avoid the potential for rejection. If this scares you, this is what you need to focus on overcoming, not more texting tips or feminine energetics.

SIX: Authenticity in dating is not just about being yourself - it’s expressing your feelings, good and bad, in each moment

For the last few years, I’ve touted the importance of being your most authentic self to find love. I’ve talked a lot about leading with your true interests, spirituality, emotions, and sensitivity. But something that I learned this year was that authentitcity extends beyond your persona. Authenticity is about being real rather than performative in each moment. Being performative is when you pretend to be ok when you’re not, when you say what you think he wants to hear, when you’re trying to mold yourself into “the perfect woman.”

Rather, authenticity is speaking up when you feel uncomfortable, tense, or disappointed with a man. It’s showing up to a date a little bummed after having a tough day at work, rather than putting on an upbeat energy. This is how you cultivate real intimacy - and it’s TOUGH. Don’t get me wrong, I’m constantly working on this in my relationship. But everytime I’m really REAL, it brings us so much closer.

SEVEN: Your body knows who is right for you before your head does

Ok I GET how hard this is…I’m naturally super cerebral, and I’ve been known to analyze and intellectualize my relationships to the umpth degree. But this year, I decided to really focus on my body’s responses to men. I prioritized the way my nervous system repsonded to someone, without trying to “make sense of it.”

In fact, I recall going on a date in Jan 2024, and while the guy was super nice and cool, I was SO tense the entire time. My back was literally sore from how straight I was sitting. Similarly, I dated men who were successful and handsome, but my heart felt completely neutral around them. I dated men who I felt connected to emotionally, yet my body felt closed off physically, in spite of how conventionally attractive they were. It doesn’t have to make sense - your body knows. LOOK for the guy who regulates your nervous system, that your body feels open to, that your heart feels expanded by.

EIGHT: You’ll manifest love when you both crave a relationship and are unattached - at the same time

I used to think that to call in a partner, you had to be completely unattached from having one. But, I realized this year that the sweet spot is actually integrating unattachment with the genuine desire and craving to find a man. Because we manifest from our desires. We don’t need to pretend that we don’t want something. But we do need to be at peace and surrender to the universe’s timeline for that thing to come through for us.

Right before I got back together with my boyfriend, I actually did a bunch of shadow work to release any shame I had around being single (especially as a dating coach!). Yet, I still maintained my desire for partnership - I was simply at peace with waiting. And I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would find someone. Within weeks, my man and I got back together (and let me again say, this was completely unexpected and shocking to both of us haha). Moral of the story - the goal is to be surrendered and in desire simulatenously.

NINE: Trust your triggers - they’re telling you something

One of my biggest lessons this year was not to dismiss my triggers. Not to gaslight myself saying xyz is actually no big deal. Or oh that’s just my Anxious Attachment style. And on the other hand, not flipping out when I was triggered, going into blame and judgment mode. Rather, it was truly getting curious about what my triggers were telling me. What was the greater theme here? What was this hitting on from the past? What did I need to DO? Whether it was setting a boundary, speaking a truth, or simply shifting my perspective…your triggers are your fastest track to healing. I often have clients track their triggers and patterns will start to emerge almost instantly.

TEN: The greatest universal truth is that all of us are afraid of love

There is nothing I am more certain of than this - especially for singles seeking partnership. I saw this in both my clients and myself - so much of the time, we subconsciously push away love because we fear it, even if we consciously desire it. For most of us, there is nothing scarier than being seen, having our hearts tethered to something that may not last forever, and vulnerably sharing ourselves. Rather than pretend that this isn’t a truth for you, I invite you to explore the possibility that it is indeed true. A great book to explore this is Existential Kink. The funny thing about fear is that often once we let it be seen, it naturally begins to dissipate. So if you really want to find love next year, get honest with the fears that are likely holding you back from really allowing it in.

Now it’s your turn! I would love to hear from you - what were your biggest lessons in love in 2024? Send me a message here or on Instagram!

And if you’re ready to find love in 2025 (because I truly believe that EVERYONE can find an amazing relationship with the right focus on inner & outer work), I invite you to apply for my 1-1 program: Relationship Alchemy. I have limited spots remaining for January start dates.

xx Liz

PS. If you want to get the behind the scenes in my relationship and exclusive trainings and tips (plus support my work if you find value out of these posts!), consider upgrading to my paid tier. I’ll be sharing 2-3 paid posts a month, and they’ll be juicyyyy < 3