Are You in the Dating VOID?
What holds many people back from finding an amazing relationship is:
Emotional immaturity - reactivity, projecting, manipulation, game playing, defensiveness, ghosting, etc.
Insecure attachment - negative view of self OR others
Going back to exes - enough said.
If this is you — go to therapy.
But if you’ve done that, you’re mostly secure in yourself, and you live a life that’s pretty damn good most of the time, yet you’re still waiting for your soulmate…
You might be in: THE VOID. 🌪️
The Void is when you’re not attracting ANYONE you like or when you’re attracting guys but they just aren’t *quite* it.
It’s easy to feel frustrated in The Void — maybe there is something wrong with you after all? Or maybe the type of guy you like just doesn’t exist?
I can reassure you neither of these are true.
Rather, the universe is inviting you to step up because you are meant for an out of this world relationship.
Take it from me…after I did a LOT of self development and therapy work in late 2021 & early 2022, I was in The Void for 7 months.
I’m talking not a single guy went past a second date.
I had zero prospects.
My girlfriends said I was “way too picky”
My guy friends begged to redo my Hinge profile in “their style”
I was tempted to settle. Tempted to agree with them.
But instead, I made several key shifts.
And in March 2023, I met my person completely randomly, walking my dog. The exact man I had dreamed of for SO long.
My perfect match — a true soulmate, an out of this world connection that challenges me and supports me in the best way
It felt like magic 🪄 — but it was really a result of the shifts I made from Aug 22-March 23.
This wasn’t more therapy or lots of deep healing work.
It was energetic work, alignment, intuition, spirituality, and very nuanced actions.
I teased this concept to my Instagram audience earlier on Monday, but because you are in my intimate Substack community, you get a deeper dive into this concept.
So with that…
Here are a few of the very subtle blocks that hold you back from connecting to your soulmate in The Void:
You still have a lot of SHADOW: Shadow work was developed by Carl Jung, and it refers to the aspects of self that we have repressed or hidden away because we’ve deemed them shameful or unloveable. Your shadows leak out energetically and can manifest in both pickiness and low self worth. You know you have shadow if you judge others — this could be as superficial as judging a guy who doesn’t have any art on his wall to judging a man who “talks too much” or who should be “further along” in his career. Where you judge others is where you judge yourself.
You still have subconscious fears about being in a relationship: Even if you consciously crave a relationship, there may be a part of you that actually fears what comes with a healthy, available man. As a result, you may actually block yourself from calling in a relationship. One of my favorites exercises to uncover this is the Fear Inventory in Existential Kink. This exercise allows your subconscious to bring to the surface all of the sneaky reasons that you’d rather stay single (or in less healthy dynamics!)
You’re still following dating rules instead of listening to your intuition: When you listen to other people’s advice (“Give him a chance; you should date multiple men; you should swipe for 15 minutes a day on Hinge; if you want a masculine man, you shouldn’t initiate any conversations about the relationship until at least 3 months in”) — you are literally disconnecting from your vessel of TRUTH. You can no longer hear your intuitive whispers which share if a person is right for you and where you should go and what you should do on a day to day basis. A month before I met my boyfriend, I created a page in my journal labeled “Intuitive Hits to Meet My Partner” There were only a few entries, but one of them was “Be open outside.” And yes, I met my man walking outside.
You’re out of alignment: If you live out of alignment, you will likely meet men that are out of alignment. Or the *right* guy might not even recognize you because you aren’t sharing the most aligned version of you. Some examples of misaligment: You’re living in a city that is meh. You kind of hate your job, but it pays the bills. Or maybe you are a creator or entrepreneur, but you’re holding back some of your true magic…like maybe you’re a business coach who is secretly a healer. You love your friends, but your nerdy, intellectual side never gets seen. You’re craving a community to totally geek out with. You love hiking, but you spend your weekends getting drunk at the bar and are too hungover to hike the next day. If this is you — how are you shifting to create a life that is more aligned for you? The more aligned your life is, the higher likelihood you attract a man who is also aligned for you.
You’re overstaying in mediocre relationships: I’ll cut to it - stop going on the fourth date with a guy you don’t even really like. The reason you do this is because you don’t trust yourself to make the right dating decisions, you aren’t clear on what you really desire in a partner in a truly simplified (or authentic, soul aligned) way, and you don’t have a process of feeling into connections using your mind AND body (I have a framework for this that even my single guy friends who are not into healing at all have told me is incredibly helpful).
You’re falling into self doubt and limiting beliefs about the dating pool, your age, not believing he exists, etc.: Your beliefs create your thoughts. Your thoughts create your emotions. Your emotions create your energy. Your energy creates your reality. What are you believing on a day to day basis? No, you don’t have to have optimistic, positive beliefs 100% of the time, but more often than not, it’s crucial to actually believe your man exists, you’re going to find love, and there are a million amazing single men out there. You actually have to train your subconscious to shift its beliefs by repetitively using tools like hypnosis — it’s not as easy as just deciding (I wish!)
Your day to day energy is kind of shitty - Against common belief, you don’t need to be high vibe all of the time to attract a man. But your energy is ultimately what attracts or repels. The key is to actually feel your negative emotions so they don’t clog up your system and energetic body. To seek out pleasure and joy in your life to start becoming a version of self who does love her life and herself. And to use techniques like hypnosis and other embodiment exercises to activate good feelings in your body. This is how you become the elusive “magnetic.” This is what opens up your energy and makes you more approachable as you’re just walking down the street. Feeling all of the things is KEY.
You feel shame around desiring a partner so you become Miss Independent who is good on her own or pretend you’re “fine” being single even though you’re not - OH honey…no!!! It’s normal for a woman to still feel incomplete without a partner. IDK who these women are that felt totally good single in their 30s, but that wasn’t me. Before I met my boyfriend, I craved a partner everyday. I felt my desire. I longed for it. Let yourself feel how much you desire a relationship, while also detaching from HOW it happens or WHEN it happens. You detach by deeply believing that partnership will happen for you — the reason why people can’t detach is because they have limiting beliefs that it will happen.
You’re still fuzzy in your desires for a partner: Can you name the 3-5 top priorities you have for a partner and how he makes you feel? If you can’t do that off the top of your head — you are fuzzy in your desires.
You might be stagnant in your approach: Ok this is an interesting one, but many of us have subconscious or conscious rules for how we operate in dating (and life!) Sometimes we need to play with a new energy to loosen up some stagnation and create new results in our life. Some of my rules were: not initiating with men, never ghosting anyone, and always being “there” for male friends and acquaintances. I’m a Manifestor in Human Design, but I was behaving like a Generator or a Projector. So I started to just play with some different energies. I was wayyy more forward with men. I also started ghosting men that I felt like were wasting my time. I set boundaries with male friends who were taking up a ton of energetic space. And while my boyfriend did approach me, after we broke up, I was the one who initiated our reunion. This is all experimentation. But if what you’re doing right now isn’t working — try something new. If you don’t know your Human Design, run your chart & check out this article about how it applies to dating.
There’s actually A LOT more that could be impacting you in The Void, but that’s all I’ll share today.
I’m super curious if any of this resonated with you!
I’m also considering creating an offer where I expand on all of this…if you’d be interested, put your name on this list so I can gauge interest.
xx Liz
