5 Steps I Took to Go From Dating Unavailable Men to Finding a Man Who Was All In.
Let me start off by saying that breaking my cycle of unavailable men was not an accident.
It didn’t just happen because after enough swiping, I finally stumbled across an available guy who was perfect for me.
For years, I heard from friends that I just “hadn’t met the right guy yet” or “I was too picky and should be more open.” And “I’ll find him when I least expect it.”
Can you relate??
These are nice platitudes, but the truth of the matter is that if I didn’t actively decide to make a change in the way I approached dating and shift my inner world, I think I probably would be single today.
So what changes did I make exactly?
Well before I get there, let me just reassure you that needing to make a change does NOT mean that anything is inherently wrong with you.
For years, I feared that there was something terribly wrong with me… I feared there was as part of me that was defective in some way and that’s why I couldn’t find a man who wanted to commit.
Well, there wasn’t anything wrong with me…just my actions:
Choosing the wrong men
Missing red flags
Chasing men who were unavailable
Letting my insecurities sabotage relationships
Analayzing his unavailability vs my own unavailability
Chickening out from communicating… or doing so in an explosive, emotional way
Googling “Why Men Pull Away” for the 17th time rather than going inside myself
If I had just kept doing what I was doing…I would have created the same results.
And I see a lot of women in this space. In fact, I often see women who are subconsciously (or consciously) afraid to change these patterns because it feels safer to remain in the same space.
Maybe they fear that an available relationship will be boring.
Maybe they fear they’ll disappoint themselves by investing and not getting “results.”
Maybe they fear being lonely by cutting off relationships that don’t serve them.
Maybe they fear what they’ll discover if they go deep inside their psyches.
But here’s the thing - your life is about evolution. It’s about overcoming karma. Breaking generational patterns for your future kin. The scariest thing is not always the easiest thing - but its almost always the right thing.
Now, let me tell you how I broke my cycle of emotionally unavailable men - so you can too.
STEP 1: I did inner child healing work to release my attachment to unavailable men
Before, I was letting my wounded inner child run my love life by selecting partners who represented my caretakers, chasing them for commitment.
Because I had an emotionally distant father who passed when I was in my teens, that is the exact type of man I sought out.
After years of going in circles in talk therapy, I discovered hypnosis & inner child work, and started working with my younger self on a subconscious level, which allowed me to break free from situationships with unavailable men.
When you nurture your inner child & redesign your life to meet her needs, you’ll begin naturally selecting healthier partners, while releasing your attachment to men who can’t meet you.
STEP 2: I worked on becoming more available, myself.
Ohhh this is a big one. In fact, if you think you’ve “done it all” - this is probably what you’re missing. It’s incredibly tough to see your own lack of availability. Especially when you are an emotional being who craves love and intimacy.
But while I *thought* I was ready for a deep, intimate connection, the truth was, I was scared of being vulnerable and being seen for who I really was - flaws and all.
For years, I hid my sensitivity, emotions, and other insecurities in favor of a cool girl persona. And I attracted guys who ran once they saw my emotional side and other “flaws.”
In order to be a magnet for an available relationship, you need to be available to yourself first.
This means cultivating self compassion & acceptance for your perceived flaws and processing your emotions vs going into your head.
When I did this, I started dating men who desired real emotional intimacy - who shared about getting bullied in middle school, welcomed my need for reassurance after the fourth date, and initiated mature conversations about our lifestyle compatibility
STEP 3. I got damn good at spotting red flags & unavailable men.
I used to experience the same cycle of men who initially seemed great, but then pulled the “I’m not ready card,” between months 1-3. I wondered what I was missing.
When I learned how to use my nervous system and body to detect red flags (I call this somatic dating!) and used reflective dating techniques to keep assessing the connection as the weeks went on, I was able to spot the unavailables after a few dates and bring up concerns early on in the relationship.
This prevented me from wasting time and getting attached to men who wouldn’t be able to meet me.
When you master somatic & reflective dating, you’ll stop wasting your time with unavailables too.
STEP 4: I became an expert in navigating the “pull away.”
When a man I was seeing didn’t text me for a few days, I used to try to “feel my feelings” by sitting on the couch & sobbing or figure it out by googling “What to do when a man pulls away”
When I learned how to navigate the pull away in a high self worth way - by processing my feelings, seeing the teaching, and moving into a higher vibration energy, I learned how to hold myself through my emotions and determine whether a conversation was necessary - from a non-needy place.
Whether a man is available or not, most masculine men thrive with an independent woman who can hold herself - when you use your triggers to become more whole in yourself, you’ll become that woman as a byproduct.
PS I share more on how to navigate the Pull Away (and why it happens!) HERE.
Step 5: I used effective communication based off of male psychology.
Previously, when I would see patterns of inconsistent communication even after months of dating, I would end up either chickening out of saying something or communicating in a way that created unecessary pressure in the relationship.
After learning about male psycholgy & effective communication techniques, I was able to have a conversation in a way that he could receive.
Which led to men saying things like “Wow, you’re so mature,” vs “Wow, you’re crazy.”
The truth is, sometimes inconsistent communication reflects a man’s unavailability - sometimes it doesn’t. When you learn to communicate in an effective way, you’ll become a magnet to healthy men and filter out the unavailables.
If you are in a pattern of dating, loving or chasing unavailable men - know that you are meant for SO much more.
This is exactly why I’ve decided to launch a new offer: Breaking Free Of Unavailable Men
These are the teachings that I wish I had when I was banging my head against the wall, unsure if I would ever find a healthy connection that also felt fun, exciting, and deep. (PS. It’s completely possible - my relationship is healthy, stable, and fun).
I’ll take you through these five steps (and more) with hypnosis, somatic work, and life changing teachings that will completely shift the way you approach dating.
This offer will launch in the next few weeks - get on the WAITLIST for exclusive savings (I’ll have a select number of early bird spots available)
I can’t wait to see you inside.
xx Liz
